grow up and get married

[spacefem]

the top post on r/mademesmile is this wedding entrance video thing, where we see a re-enactment of a woman being born, being a little kid, going to school, then she's a bride and the shadow curtain lifts and mom walks her down the aisle. all the top comments love it, so I guess I should too? but it weirds me out for some reason.

I've been to weddings where the tables were decorated with photos of the bride and/or groom as children, and to weddings with slideshows of them growing up so we could see their whole lives, and that also weirds me out. I love weddings, I'm a married person who had a great wedding, but I'm struggling to put into words what's wrong with the kid photos. it's almost like saying "we WERE kids, and now we are GROWN UP see because we've made it to the WEDDING part! Achievement unlocked!"

I had childhood photos of me at my high school graduation party so relatives could all tell me I grew up too fast... but at a wedding? a wedding is a thing you do, not a milestone like graduation. it's not a sign that you've grown up! I've known people who got married at 19 and people who got married at 60... it's totally unrelated to age, right? I also know some fantastic grownups who never got married, and some married people who act like children.

I'm not usually this cynical I promise! there's lots to celebrate at a wedding! family, friends, love, dancing, free cake... you talk about the couple and how they're going to be great for each other. I just didn't want photos of me slowly getting things in life... first steps, skinned knees, learning to read, GETTING A MAN.

Comments

[senmut]

Nah, that would totally weird me out. With you on that.

[spacefem]

THANK YOU. there's like one negative comment on that reddit thread that got downvoted to hell, I had a feeling my dw friends here would relate.

[low_delta]

Wanting to celebrate this milestone as one of many, is like, someone who has planned for this moment all their life. And then I'll get married. And we'll live in a little house with a picket fence, and have two children...

But as an attendee, it would annoy me most due to the celebration creep. Like "oh no, even more? When will it end?"

[spacefem]

especially nowdays that having children is like five parties! announcement, gender reveal, baby shower, meet the baby, first birthday... I feel like baby party project manager is going to be a job people have someday.

[msconduct]

Wow, getting a man! That means you're a full human at last!

[silviarambles]

I know that for some women getting married is a dream coming true, it isn't the same for me but I respect that, just as I totally get people want to celebrate this milestone. But seeing your marriage so entrenched in the trajectory of your life growth? I don't know if it's healthy. I don't feel the need to get married and I don't want children, does that mean that my growth as an individual is somehow stunted? Also, mine is a firm choice while for others it might be a forced choice, so how damaging for someone's feeling of self-worth is it to portrait marriage through this perspective?

[solteronita]

Admittedly, I dislike weddings, and this puts a finger on part of why! T and I eloped so we could be married for tax purposes because we are such romantics. I didn't see the point in making people spend a bunch of money and time on us simply because we were lucky enough to find someone we wanted to marry. Our society rewards the most meaningless things!

[pineapple_sour]

Now that you mention it, I would like to see the shadow re-enactment thing for the wedding of a pair of 60 year olds. Showing their FULL life up to that point. And does the groom get to have a shadow puppet show?

I mean, I've seen the video and think it was sweet, don't get me wrong but as you've mentioned it is a bit of a weird vibe at a wedding.

[elusivek]

It’s kind of THE thing here?
The sequence: It’s usually a video or a slideshow, bride growing up, groom growing up, then they meet, then a series of their photos as a couple, and then a series of wedding photos, and finally, the bride and groom come into the banquet hall… and then the whole series of wedding stuff and finally the food is served. After dessert is served then it’s all the group photo taking, usually by tables. “Bride family table”, “groom family table”, “bride dad’s friends table”, “groom’s office colleagues table” etc…..

[smittenbyu]

man... here I was collecting photos for kid's wedding - if she were to want to / choose to get married. No? Shouldn't do that? dang it. I have so much material. Of course, kid might not approve.. as I think the pics are adorable but she might think otherwise.

The video is actually kind of cute and clever (I didn't have my sound on - so not commenting on song). But yeah - not something I'd want to do for myself. I also don't see my wedding day as the happiest day of my life which stumps folks. Yes, of course, happy day, but not THE happiest day. My thesis defense was the top on my list.

[spiffikins]

it's almost like saying "we WERE kids, and now we are GROWN UP see because we've made it to the WEDDING part! Achievement unlocked!"

I totally am with you - I was weirded out by that!

Definitely though, for some people, getting married is *totally* a milestone in their list of "things to make a successful life". I remember my friend G in college, being *really* upset when she was finishing her university degree, because she was Off Course. Both of her siblings had met their future spouses at university, had gotten engaged by Christmas of their second year and gotten married just after graduating - and she didn't have a boyfriend, much less a fiance.

Her life plan checklist - when I asked "what else is on this list?" - included
- graduate college with a fiance
- buy a vcr
- get married
- buy a red VW Jetta

I believe she did manage to acquire a vcr shortly after graduating, LOL.
She never did get a VW jetta, but within a few months of moving back to the town she grew up in after finishing school, she had said "wouldn't it be cute if I married my BFF's best friend?" and everyone agreed that WOULD be cute - so they got together and were married within a year. She was On A Schedule.

Around the same time, my brother seemed to be upset and my mom asked him what was wrong. He admitted that he felt like he was failing at life. She asked why and he said well, I'm supposed to grow up, get married, have 2.5 kids and a dog, and a house with a white fence, right? - and I just...can't see that happening? So I am not doing what You're Supposed To Do?"

My mom (bless her) immediately reassured him that NO - that was not the definition of success and that btw she was NOT expecting any grandchildren unless HE wanted kids, and please do not have children just because you think you are supposed to!

He definitely perked up after that and HILARIOUSLY - 20+ years later, of all 4 of us kids - HE is the one who has a long term gf - basically a spouse, a house, a cat, and a fence they painted last year :D

[dandylover1]

I must say, that is a rather odd perspective, but an interesting one. I would just see it as major steps in someone's life, not as something that must be done, but as a change and the beginning of something new.

[siglinde999]

I couldn’t watch the video because I don’t have a Reddit subscription, but the opening image was bad enough. I could not imagine having that at my wedding. Of course, my idea of a good wedding is a party with friends - most definitely not a theatrical performance.