real al anon vs. r/alanon
Sep. 28th, 2023 09:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spacefemthere's a reddit community for alanon and it's fascinating. It really helps me put into words the things I learned in al anon. I don't go to meetings so often these days. I think I learned a lot from it. I don't have ALL the answers by any means, but I know it's there for me if I need it. My family member who inspired my visits has maintained sobriety for well over a year now, I'm very proud.
At al anon meetings, we go around and read from the publications they put out, reflect a little, try not to dive too deeply into our own stories, and definitely try NOT to give advice. The whole idea is that you use the twelve steps to solve your own problems.
BUT reddit lets us shortcut this a bit. It's a mix of people who've clearly been through a lot of al anon philosophy, and people who've been to none of it and just need advice NOW. I can relate to both. I've been both.
The clearest difference is the "I've just met an addict" post. Like, "I JUST started dating this person and they seem to be abusing alcohol." A normal al anon group would have you reflect on your story. The reddit comments? RUN NOW before you get in too deep! OMG don't get married!
I tend not to get involved in those.
The threads that help me are more the "I think my partner is abusing alcohol again I wish they'd stop how can I convince them that they really have a problem and need a treatment program?" This is where al anon is great, because the truth is, we can't GET anyone else into ANYTHING. You can tell them your perspective... I missed this thing because of your drinking, that can't happen, in order to protect myself I'm leaving you/leaving for this thing/taking the car/etc. But it does you no good to wish they wouldn't drink. You're wrapping your mind around the mind of an addict and worrying about things you cannot control.
Or "They said they won't drink again when can I trust them?" Well that's up to you, and it's trying to predict the future, which nobody can do. All you can do is say what you will do if they do drink again, or don't. That's al anon 101. The posters don't know it, the commenters do, that's why it helps.
Then there are the heartbreaking posts. Loved ones who ruin their lives, choose alcohol over the people they love, die too young. They just need to post. And vent. And it's tragic and sad. There are lessons to be learned, but at what costs. There are a lot of those.
At al anon meetings, we go around and read from the publications they put out, reflect a little, try not to dive too deeply into our own stories, and definitely try NOT to give advice. The whole idea is that you use the twelve steps to solve your own problems.
BUT reddit lets us shortcut this a bit. It's a mix of people who've clearly been through a lot of al anon philosophy, and people who've been to none of it and just need advice NOW. I can relate to both. I've been both.
The clearest difference is the "I've just met an addict" post. Like, "I JUST started dating this person and they seem to be abusing alcohol." A normal al anon group would have you reflect on your story. The reddit comments? RUN NOW before you get in too deep! OMG don't get married!
I tend not to get involved in those.
The threads that help me are more the "I think my partner is abusing alcohol again I wish they'd stop how can I convince them that they really have a problem and need a treatment program?" This is where al anon is great, because the truth is, we can't GET anyone else into ANYTHING. You can tell them your perspective... I missed this thing because of your drinking, that can't happen, in order to protect myself I'm leaving you/leaving for this thing/taking the car/etc. But it does you no good to wish they wouldn't drink. You're wrapping your mind around the mind of an addict and worrying about things you cannot control.
Or "They said they won't drink again when can I trust them?" Well that's up to you, and it's trying to predict the future, which nobody can do. All you can do is say what you will do if they do drink again, or don't. That's al anon 101. The posters don't know it, the commenters do, that's why it helps.
Then there are the heartbreaking posts. Loved ones who ruin their lives, choose alcohol over the people they love, die too young. They just need to post. And vent. And it's tragic and sad. There are lessons to be learned, but at what costs. There are a lot of those.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-28 03:45 pm (UTC)It definitely made me very cautious around alcohol though - I know that personally I have issues with moderation in other things - if I *like* something, then I want a LOT OF IT. So I've always sort of personally thought "better to just not drink" - and I'm fine with that.
I have been watching from the sidelines as someone that I know has been going through this with her partner - and she's had to come to the realization that she canot convince him to quit drinking - not long term anyway. And get to the conclusion that all she can do is decide what she will do the next time it happens. It's devastating to have to accept these things about someone you love and realize there is not much you can do.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-29 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 02:03 pm (UTC)