making friends and talking politlcs

[spacefem]

Olive is 9 years old this summer, but she learned years ago that she has a knack for befriending kids in pools, museums, and playgrounds. It's funny because she doesn't have a lot of close school friends. We invite some baby friends over sometimes, family friends, and she's had SOME school friends over. But in any given school year she'll go from singing the praises of a new friend to complaining that they're terrible, in these 3-6 week cycles, over and over again. She doesn't like to stay with anybody.

The first time she made friends with a kid in an apartment pool on a vacation she struggled a bit with the idea that she'd never see them again. But now she doesn't care. She's done it enough that she's okay with incredibly short friendships. It's the OTHER kids who struggle. They come up to me with parents' phone numbers, hotel room numbers, cities they live in, and I am basically supportive but I know what's going to happen and so does Olive. She's had a nice day or two playing marco polo and jumping off the side into the deep end. Now she's done. She's already looking forward to our next hotel stay. We'll go to the pool, she'll look around, and tell me "I'm going to make a friend" and she does.

Last weekend we rented a vrbo by a lake/pond/body of water whatever you call it, there was just one other family sharing our beach. I nodded and said hi and Olive somehow found her moment to meet the kids.

My ears perked up when I heard "Biden". What's going on in this lake 50 feet from me?

I hear Olive yell "YOU SUPPORT TRUMP?"

These kids are nine. Where's this going to go?

There's a controversial election in Kansas this year. Vote yes to give the legislature the ability to ban any abortion they want. We all have vote no signs. Politics are messy.

The conversation was too quiet for me to hear the rest of it. The next thing I could hear was an idea to go back to the diving board. The girls all played, and brought me a phone number the next morning as we all packed up.

It made me think a lot about what we tell our kid, it's not like she's well versed enough to discuss immigration policies in a Kansas lake. She knows what menstruation is, we haven't gotten to ectopic pregnancies. I asked her why she thinks we like Joe Biden. She said nothing. Just looked at me and said "stop talking!"

I was 25 or so when I stopped voting republican. I was raised to believe that conservatives had the best ideas, but when I moved out the suburbs I gained some perspective and changed. I wonder what my kids will learn when they grow up? We all have to form our own thing. My older daughter is already a tiny gay rights activist (at least) so she's got a pretty definite wedge issue picking her side, but I don't know about the little one.

My own little sister was 10 when she became progressive. I finally, just this year, asked her HOW. Of all places, she blamed the church bible school. There was a discussion one day and a question came up... what should we do if a kid ever brings drugs to our church group? Everyone agreed that they should be kicked out immediately... everyone except my sister. A record scratch went off in her growing brain. Even though we were going to church, listening to Rush Limbaugh, hearing about tax and spend liberals, and celebrating Ronald Reagan, she immediately decided that her entire political upbringing was a bad idea. If a kid brings drugs to church, isn't that an obvious sign that they need our help most of all? She was astounded to be the only one wanting to help a classmate with a problem. She went from there, joined debate in high school, majored in political science, and has grown her career from one non-profit to another ever since.

Comments

[dandylover1]

I would be a bit concerned to hear children discussing politics in anything but a childish way. Children need to have fun and be innocent, not burden themselves with adult things. If anything, they can start as teenagers.

[solteronita]

I admire your sister! I didn't figure out that I was brainwashed with religion and Conservative views of everything until well into my twenties.

[senmut]

Aww man. It's rough.

But I was like your kid. Friends with those much younger or much older (so not my school group) and I cherished holiday friendships as a chance to be friendly without the strings.

[legalmoose]

Took me a bit longer (late high school), but like your sister the hypocrisy in the church crowd was what did me in for them. Took my parents longer, but they finally realized that republicans were not interested in people of their modest means (beyond trying to sucker them into voting R), and definitely were not interested in doing anything that might help them economically.

[ironphoenix]

I'm super impressed by your sister's story... sometimes, some actual Christ comes through even pretty twisted forms of Christianity.

[spacefem]

Good point! Poor kids can’t vote for another decade anyway.

[spacefem]

I swear Christianity is its own worst enemy. People leave the church every day because of… Christians.

[sherlockishere]

What a fabulous thing to notice about your kids! I guess I was kind of like your sister-- By the time I was in high school, I was heavily involved in politics, pulling for the Republicans in Louisiana (b/c in the 1970s they were the more liberal party there). I organized kid coalitions, marched with signs down the main drag of our little city, went to multiple state training meetings, and even was flown to a conference in Washington.

Then there was the disappointment of Nixon (which CRUSHED me), and I switched to the Democrats and never looked back. I'm not as active in politics these days, but I'm still a hound for political news, reading & listening to both liberal and conservative media every day.

It gets in your blood.

[adafrog]

Amen to your sister.

I can see how short friendships are much easier.

[ironphoenix]

Yeah. I don't think it's unique to Christianity, but the irony is perhaps especially poignant in Christianity and Buddhism.

Also, you might appreciate this little short story by Gahan Wilson called The Cleft."

[brittdreams]

I mean, I totally get not wanting to be friends with someone who supported Trump. To me, it's similar to not wanting to be friends with someone whose parents are in or support the KKK growing up.

[siglinde999]

I love your sister. And both your kids. I have elements of fiscal conservative, but they mostly show up in ways that some conservatives think make me a flaming leftie (free and accessible public transit, minimum living wage for those on disability or welfare etc is way more cost-effective than car infrastructure, prisons, emergency housing/food banks and means-testing and checking on compliance). And I have grown much more socially liberal as I matured.