describing the game

[spacefem]

I ran across this tumblr: To my friends on the spectrum, let me explain to you an unspoken social rule that possibly nobody has ever explained to you before

If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.

They’re asking you if they can play too.

If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.

They’re asking if they can watch it with you.

Reading this quote made me realize something... when I ask my husband what he's watching, I am definitely either wanting to watch it with him, or wanting just enough information to decide if I want to watch it with him. But it's weird, right? An odd way to pose the question, because I could just say "is this something I should watch with you?" maybe? but then again how would he know.

He is definitely an "explain the show" guy. he will tell me way too much. then it gets worse, if I sit down to watch the show he'll start giving me backstory on EVERY character, every previous episode on the season, and I just want to watch the show. kind of like a board game, I don't want instructions I just want to sit down and play the game and figure it out from the middle.

I'm not sure where this sits on the personality type or if it's really a neurotypical vs. neurodivergent thing... because when I think about it both responses make SENSE. I just know how I am.

Comments

[gilda_elise]

I think that might be a guy thing, because my husband is the same way...even if I show no interest in what he's watching. *g*

[lepid0ptera]

I don't think this is really an NT vs ND thing in particular, it's more that autistic people have a poor theory of mind. What this means is they take questions as requests for information instead of thinking or understanding about /why/ a person might want that information.

If a person is asking what show another person is watching, there are a number of reasons why; one of them is indeed often that they may want to watch it with you IFF they're interested. But not always.

[lepid0ptera]

This is called "infodumping" and is absolutely an autistic thing, as is not realising when a person is not interested in what you're saying. Of course non-autistic people can do it too, but it also just might mean they're subclinical.

[vysila]

Huh. Not sure what to make of this, my purpose in asking would be to get a straightforward response, like 'Halo' or 'Downton Abbey', something like that, because I just am not that much of a media consumer. I'm just curious what it is that has their attention so strongly. It does not necessarily mean I want to play/watch/read/whatever. If they start to ramble with details, I generally just tune it out.

[kaishin108]

Subclinical, hmm. That sounds like it could cover a lot.

I need to look that up...

[senmut]

I'm from a culture where direct requests to do things are rude. And... this has kept most of the folx on the spectrum in my family from falling too strongly into it? But sometimes you see the anxiety as they respond to the question, not the intent, and catch themselves.

[ironphoenix]

Replace "They're" with "They might be". Consider offering, if you're willing.

[gilda_elise]

I must know a lot of men that way, then, because I've run into it a lot over the years. Especially when it's something that really interests them, like sports or cars. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

[dancing_ghost]

This is really interesting. Both Josh and I are neurodivergent and we both definitely will answer those questions by explaining. It would never cross my mind that someone was asking me if they could join me.

I am curious, though, because one of my pet peeves is when I'm reading around other people and they ask what I'm reading. They can't join me in reading it, so surely they are asking me to explain?

[dandylover1]

If I ask someone what game he is playing or what he is watching, I mean exactly what I say. What is the game and what is the show. Tell me about them. If I want to play or watch, I will say so. However, I certainly don't expect a ridiculously long explanation about it, just the name and a few facts. Then, we can go from there if I'm that interested.